was under pressure. The deaths of my dad and grand-dad were
violently pushing me towards total independence, but I felt
I needed to catch my breath. I was a bit disorganized and in
a new pressure-cooker with a really challenging, but very unsympathetic
guy. Yeah, I was at a flying monastery and there were no walls
here. A lot of emotional garbage was coming up. My fears were
getting amplified. I needed a direction. This Zen pilot waste
mean he told me to take off all my clothes except for some shorts
and walk in a straight line! It didn't matter where. He told
me to leave all my belongings behind and forget who I was and
who I thought I was. I mean all opinions and ideas had to go!
I was really scared. I mean this guy really meant it! I started
walking in circles and he just started laughing. I mean it was
really brutal. I was being put through a hoop of fire.
boy did I get clear really fast. I kind of went deep inside
myself to the core of my fear and came out in a different place.
I was a lot calmer now. I was doing tantra again and it was
a strange Zen version of it. The chaos at the airport was well-suited
for this. The Zen guy had a strong aura that disorganized you.
I mean I thought it only happened at the movies. But it was
happening to me now and I was having a weird kind of satori.
I was experiencing a harsh environment and a harsh new vibration.
I felt I was disintegrating and that my pieces were spilling
all over the place. The Zen guy was pushing me to the brink.
I could resist and struggle, or surrender and transform. I mean
it was that intense.
next lesson came pretty quick. We went up for a ride in the
guy's ultra-light. I mean we went up in the air in a plane that
really had no cock-pit. The flyers were totally exposed to the
elements. We went up about five-hundred feet and the Zen guy
went into free-fall, but I knew what he was up to and so didn't
flinch. We saw some terrified cows run for cover before we turned
up and the head-rush was truly incredible. Tantra said: whatever
was happening, that's what was happening and so you had to play
with it. I was now stuck in Lodi with yet another crazy.
Zen guy hated to talk about dead-lines and schedules. I mean
he just dealt with problems as they came. You could spend your
entire life worrying about problems. As far as he was concerned,
good and bad were irrelevant. Doing and not doing was the crux.
This guy would ask me: " Michael. Do you have a focused
mind or a scattered mind today? " I mean this guy really
killed me. It's like he was Zorba the Greek with an airplane.
It was refreshing and also downright scary. You never knew what
this guy was going to do next! I mean he had a daily routine,
but it was just that. A routine which he didn't really take
seriously. I hated being in my tent, so the Zen guy let me sleep
in the hanger. It was quieter. I could kind of doze off without
having to hear the trucks on the freeway and the planes taking
off at four in the morning. It was a tough existence for a while.
guy had spent a little time with a very famous Zen master in
northern California. He gave me a copy of the master's sayings.
I was really impressed. I mean the master kind of echoed what
the Zen pilot was saying. It was crucial not to scatter your
energies. Put one-hundred percent into whatever you were doing.
This was so important. A neurotic and indecisive mind was a
scattered mind. I mean you were dead meat. So you really had